I had an odd experience today. I looked up and it was December 12, the day before my oldest child’s 4th birthday. Now, that in itself isn’t very odd. The odd thing is that it seems like yesterday was Halloween and now its December 12. That would make this the first year in 6 that November 1 has come and gone without me noticing it. November 1, you might think, doesn’t really seem like a day to be marked. But it is the day my first child’s heart ceased to beat, or at least the day I became aware of it. It was November 1, 2004. She (I say “she” because my other 2 are girls and I assume she is also) is “buried” in a memory garden in Fort Smith. I guess that’s one reason my heart is so fond of Fort Smith; it is the town in which my first child’s heart began and ceased beating, without me ever seeing her. The story of my short pregnancy, devastation, and road to healing is filled with so many people that touched my life with their love and those people are the biggest reason my heart is so fond of Fort Smith.
I guess the fact that I didn’t mark the day maybe speaks to the old saying that “time heals all wounds,” although, I don’t think this wound is healed, per se. So, since I didn’t mark November 1, I’ll mark it now. This blog post is to you, my baby angel. I’ll hold you one day in heaven.